(no subject)

[chelseagirl]

Nobody's going to want to read this, because it's the same old thing.

Sitting here trying to keep it together, trying not to cry.

OK, I know my Ph.D. is now "stale" but since I last applied for jobs (two years ago) I have published four articles, given three conference papers, done conference/panel organizing, served on committees, mentored students, taught interesting classes, appeared on television as an academic "expert." And wrote a job letter that managed to spotlight scholarship AND teaching AND all of these other things I've done. Plus I was told the usual amount of time on the job market is now 2-5 years and I'm just at 5, so I shouldn't be off the map altogether.

And yet this is the first year I've been on the job market when I have not received a single call for a interview. On the one hand, with MLA moved to after New Year's, I realize I might still hear from someplace -- but I also might not. Someone else I talked to has received a raft of rejections already and I've only received two, but on the other hand, I've only had one request for more information.

I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up, EXCEPT THIS. And I'm damn good at it, which I've proved over and over and over. I CANNOT deal with the proportionately insulting pay and other indignities of the adjunct for much longer (being treated as an obvious second class citizen is emotionally very, very difficult), and not being able to see a doctor because I'm not worthy of health insurance is kind of not okay either.

And at the end of this month I will be 51 years old and no matter how much everyone tells me "oh you don't look your age!" alas that has almost no relevance to the fact that I NEED benefits and financial security now and I have NO IDEA WHERE TO GO WITH MY LIFE.

Comments

[mortalwombat731.livejournal.com]

While I have fingers crossed for MLA interviews, do not write off the spring market, which prolongs the anxiety, but seems constructed for less traditional job-seekers.

[chelseagirl.livejournal.com]

I know. This year, I'm doing it. (And, as we've discussed in passing, I need to talk to you about shadowing you one day so I have informed things to say about community colleges . . . )

A fairly isolated holiday season (it's pretty much just him and me all week from Christmas to New Year's, including the birthday I swore I didn't want to celebrate), another year past fifty, and my possible first shut out on MLA -- during exactly the year of all the triumphant publishing -- are not ideally timed to happen all at once. Any one of them I could handle easily; all together I'm feeling overwhelmed.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_tweeter_/]

Even though the situation isn't the same, I understand everything you're saying and am right there with you. The market is tough. This is the first time I've been out of work for so long, 10 months, with only 1 potential-employer interview. I worry about my age, I worry about having to work in the much-hated financial sector - if I ever get a job - I worry about everything.

Academia sounds like a much more difficult market, almost personal in away. While I was treated like an outsider at my old job, even after 10 years, I was relatively confident I could get a job somewhere else. Cocky, is a good word to describe me. Ten months later and I'm not so cocky anymore.

I wish you luck in getting interviews for MLA and the spring market. You're talented and deserve a better position.

[chelseagirl.livejournal.com]

That's exactly it. I put so much of myself into all this, that it feels like my very inner self is being rejected. It's just the combination of birthday, holidays (without any plans other than him-and-me), and this, the same year that I had all the articles come out which everyone said was going to really turn things around for me . . . I'm overwhelmed. I'll be better.

The economy has definitely not recovered; I know too many people who are out of work for that to be true. *hugs*

[benicek.livejournal.com]

With an opening sentence like that I simply HAD to read the rest.

What is your current job?

Much as being a (40 year old) nurse often bores me, I know I will be in work for as long as I can physically stand it and am going to get a reasonable non-stock-market-dependent pension at the end. The academic labour market looks too scary for me.

[chelseagirl.livejournal.com]

I'm adjunct faculty, which means I do the same work but have to divide myself between multiple institutions and am paid CONSIDERABLY less.

And remember, this is the land of private health insurance, too, so as a multi-part-timer I am uninsured and haven't even been able to see a doctor since I finished grad school. (Luckily I am about the healthiest person I know . . . )

[alizarin-nyc.livejournal.com]

I have all the sympathy in the world for you, my dear. It is impossible to do something secondary when you know what you want to do wholeheartedly. In some cases one can just go off and do it oneself... but in your case, you need this broken, horrible system. And that's just not fair.

I can rage with you, and send you online *hugs* and therefore, I do.

[chelseagirl.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Oh my god, that's the perfect way of phrasing it "broken, horrible system" -- I'm just so sick of doing the same exact work (and being praised for it) for a fraction of the money and no benefits or job security.

I think there's going to be some serious self-reinvention this year. Also, hopefully a book contract.

[malinaldarose.livejournal.com]

I wish I had something useful to say, but I'm listening. Or, well, reading, I suppose.

[chelseagirl.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[nutmeg3.livejournal.com]

I wish I had something useful to offer. I don't want to see you forced to leave a field you love and are so perfectly suited for, but I also hate to see you so unhappy and going through this every year. If I could cast a spell on some hiring committee somewhere, I would. Since I can't, at least my shoulder is here.

[chelseagirl.livejournal.com]

Thanks, sweetie. Maybe I need to have another go at historical romance novels, eh? ;-)

This is freaking me out because it's the first year I've been shut out completely and it's the year I published all the things. So I should have done better, not worse. *sigh*

[nutmeg3.livejournal.com]

Is your specialty underrepresented this year in terms of open positions? That's the only potential explanation I can think of.

Didn't you have a steamppunk idea? I think you could do far better than the Gail Carrigers (I think I've mentioned why those books made me so mad - because they could have been so good, but she and her editor both fell down on the job), with or without the paranormal elements.

[chelseagirl.livejournal.com]

Or that there's a particular emphasis that they're looking for. Or that I'm too old. Or that I'm "stale" on the market -- which only a book contract might help with (academic, not . . . )

I decided my idea was too cookie cutter. You do know that her work is universally beloved and admired by . . . well, lots of people . . . right? I'd be lucky to do better than her, in that regard.

[cissa.livejournal.com]

I like Carriger's books OK, but there's a LOT of room for improvement. I bet you could knock her out of the water. :)

[studiesinlight.livejournal.com]

I have no solutions, of course. But I am happy to get to share what you're feeling, even when I am sad that discouragement is so rife. I hope that tomorrow brings an interview invitation, and another the day after, as procrastinators realize MLA is not that far away even this year and they must get their slates together.

[chelseagirl.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm afraid it's looking like a no-go (although I will not cancel my hotel room 'til after the New Year just in case . . . ) -- it's just weird that after all my publications this year, it would be my first shutout.

[neuralclone.livejournal.com]

I wish I had a job I could just pull out my pocket and offer you - but alas, I don't even know how to console you. Constantly getting knocked back must hurt on a personal level as much as a financial one. The best I can do is offer virtual {{hugs}} and hope things work out better for you in 2013.

[chelseagirl.livejournal.com]

That's precisely it -- it's such an identification with the profession that it's ME who's being rejected, and all the amazing things I would bring to any position.

Thanks.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry: I've been through that and I know how much it hurts and how incredibly crushing it is on some deep personal level although you know intellectually that it's not really personal. Fingers crossed for something, if not at the MLA then independently of it that will help you chose your direction and - more importantly - help you on the way to being what you want to be.

[chelseagirl.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I'm determined to do the spring search thing (something my elite institution did not bother to tell us to do on the grounds that we wouldn't need it, hah!), and also to start working towards other possibilities, although I have the kind of two-campus-every-day schedule that's going to make the latter damned difficult.

I just don't get how I finally knocked it out of the park, publishing-wise, but am having LESS rather than MORE success.

[valancy-s.livejournal.com]

What can I say? It's astonishing how much you've accomplished while adjuncting, especially in the last year, and by any standard that ought to make you a damn good candidate. There's got to be hope yet that opportunities will open up. I'm pulling for you.

[chelseagirl.livejournal.com]

I really thought that the right place would see that I'm an incredible asset -- that I'd essentially be a mid-level faculty member at an entry-level salary. Instead of which I've done worse than ever before -- am stunned. And crying a lot, although less today than yesterday.

I'm hoping the spring market, which apparently is growing as many schools wait longer to hear about their budgets, will be kinder.

[silme.livejournal.com]

The academic market just seems so depressing, at least in the US. :( I hope the spring market might be better for you.

But the general job thing? I understand, as Ian is applying for anything and everything to no avail. It just plain sucks.

[chelseagirl.livejournal.com]

Do you think it's any better in the UK? The Victorian Studies mailing list I'm on is transatlantic and I do not get that impression at all, at least not in my field.

I'm still teasing myself with a NeoVictorian conference in Liverpool at the end of July. *That* seems to be a much more established discipline over there (not necessarily jobwise but as a specific subject people study). The conference would make my airfare tax deductible and M. has been so sad since his parents left, so it would be nice if it made it more possible for us to travel there. And although I think I'll be teaching summer session again (I've been asked but it's contingent on enrollment), this is right after it would end . . .

[silme.livejournal.com]

Well, the only job being advertised right now is at UEA for 1640-1740 in English lit, but it's a bit early for uni jobs here. I could ask A, my colleague, who's working on an English lit Ph.d at UCL for the scuttlebutt. But he's a postmodernist, so he's in a different area.

Hmm, that conference looks interesting. It's actually after I end teaching. (There are lovely medieval conferences in July, at Oxford and at Leeds Uni, that I'd love to attend, but I'm still teaching when they're on. Grrr. Argh.) Don't know if I could afford it, even though I'm in country, but I'm hopeful.

[silme.livejournal.com]

Something I thought of this morning... I know someone in the SCA who earned her Ph.d in philosophy at the University of Amsterdam in an English-language programme. She worked there for a bit, then went to Tilburg and just signed a contract to start next month at Heidelberg. Her dream is to work at Oxford, but due to all the craziness in the UK right now (increased tuition costs, cuts in foreign students, HE cuts etc.), she's putting that on hold and staying on the continent. (She's an American, btw. The universities have always arranged for her work visas.)

Continental universities with English-language programmes are attracting more British students now, as their tuition is sooo much cheaper than English universities now. Even with transportation, families are still saving money by sending their kids off to the continent. M might not want to move to the continent and I don't know about job opportunities for him, particularly if he doesn't speak the language (this woman doesn't speak Dutch nor German, btw; she is married -- I'm not sure what her husband does, but I could check), but those universities seem to be hiring.

[chelseagirl.livejournal.com]

*Someone* always gets jobs, but unfortunately that doesn't mean there are jobs for everyone.

I am a stronger candidate than I have ever been. I have effectively done everything a full-timer would ever do, I have a PhD from a top university, and now I have published a really respectable number of articles. There is NO REASON I am striking out this year except that the market is not rational and does not reward nontraditional candidates. (We had our Writing Center holiday party last night and I got a lot of pep talks.)

[silme.livejournal.com]

Well, yeah, people are getting the jobs Ian's missing out on. He's too old, underqualified, overqualified etc. We're not sure what he's doing wrong. He's actually thinking of shaving off his beard as it's all grey, whereas his hair isn't. He's wondering if an all grey beard is working against him. Who knows? Sometimes I wonder if it's luck of the draw, if he missed out on a certain job because another person had an 'in' etc. :(

What I meant was that although UK universities may seem just as bad as US ones in terms of budget cuts and hiring, ones on the continent seem to be doing better, as they're luring in students from other countries with cheaper tuition and English language programmes. I don't know how long that will last; some countries are doing better than others financially.

[chelseagirl.livejournal.com]

Honestly, yes, he should. (Ian, shave his beard.) If he were to decide to see a consultant/counselor specifically to help him with his job search, that is the first thing he would be told to do. Anything that makes him look younger without being too artificial/out of character.

[silme.livejournal.com]

The beard nicely hides his double chin, but I guess the weight is yet another issue. :) (He has actually lost some weight; he fits into some trousers that he couldn't wear earlier this year. They're still very large sized, but it's a start, I suppose.)

We both went and had our hair trimmed at the start of the month. (Our hairdresser is about the cheapest in town. Her father actually owns their building; he bought it years ago. In other words, they don't have to worry about the major rent increases most other shops in town face.) He had her trim his beard waaaay down then in preparation and bought some cheap razors. It's like he just has fuzz there now. :) He may have an interview in early January for some very good contract work (the agency guy was very positive), so I'll tell him to go ahead and use the razors.

[chelseagirl.livejournal.com]

When I was having trouble getting a law job I saw a consultant who gave me some image tips as well as resume/interview suggestions, and . . . well, I got a job shortly thereafter. I'm about to do the same with someone who consults on academic job searches (no I can't really afford it, but I need to get out of my stuck place).

I know that might not be possible for you guys right now, financially, and I know we'd like to think the world is not a shallow place, but honestly? The world *is* a shallow place and many talented people temporarily dye their grey hair, shave their beards, or whatever to get the job, knowing that they can always grow it out/grow it back/etc. afterwards.

[silme.livejournal.com]

I didn't even know such consultants existed! But, no, we certainly couldn't afford it. Today, I talked with a debt charity over the phone, as the appointment with the local branch of that other debt charity isn't until 23 January. I have a more detailed appointment on 2 January over the phone with the charity from today. It's about consolidation, but it also means my credit will be screwed, as my personal debts (an old loan and my credit card -- they are not behind) have to be brought it into it. Worst case scenario: I won't be able to have a credit card nor a loan (this means not updating my almost 13-year-old car) for six years...

[chelseagirl.livejournal.com]

I think that's worst case -- I went through a (real-estate related) bankrupcy at one point and I was offered a secured card -- admittedly at an unfavorable interest rate -- sooner than six years.

[silme.livejournal.com]

He said it was worst case. However, with the mood I've been in and how unsuccessful he's been at job hunting, despite trying very hard, I want to know worst case. :(

I'm trying to think more positively today; yesterday was my day for wallowing. But I have a horrible headache (all sinus -- I've not touched alcohol in months and months) and it's difficult.

[cissa.livejournal.com]

*hugs* and sympathy. It just doesn't make sense.

[chelseagirl.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

What it does is shows what's wrong with the profession. After the holidays I am a) working with an outside consultant on academic job searches (since Columbia's strategies haven't worked for me), b) getting my book proposal out, c) talking to and hopefully shadowing some community college professors, on the grounds that I need to learn how to sell myself to that market, and d) finally setting myself up with a career counselor. *sigh* (This after a huge fight with the husband who told me to stop mourning my lost love, the dream of this career . . . )