Angsty angsty is angsty . . .

[chelseagirl]

I've gotten used to the idea that I'm only going to get 2 kudos on each of those older stories I've been reposting, though the last longer one finally got up to 4, yay! But I posted one on Friday that still has none despite having gotten 27 hits. Where are my 2 happy readers? Cut for C. being anxious and silly. *sniff* Are the other hits people reading but not liking them? Do people actually bother to read things (none of these are short and I've just posted part 7 of a series which is marked as such) and then not kudos them? Because they could see from the summary that it's not their thing and not click, then, in which case, no hits . . . I'm trying not to let it sap my self-esteem and to remind myself that they have gotten their love in their day, and that I'm reposting because I'm proud of them and enjoying revisiting them. And two readers *have* commented at various times to say they had been periodically reading and re-reading these elsewhere, over a period of years, which means so much.

Meanwhile, my Deadwood story has kudos only from folks I know, and not that many other hits (way less than the more obscure fandom, above) so I guess not a lot of random searches in that fandom these days.

And I'm clearly always going to spoil myself on ST:D because since M and I watch together, we sometimes don't watch 'til the Saturday, the day before the next one comes out.

Comments

[scripsi]

Some people don't leave kudis even when they like a fic. And some only leave kudos if they also Review. Or only if they really, really like a fic. It's disheartening though, I know. The fic I have spent most time and thought on, has been virtually ignored, when something I churned out rather half-heartedly got a lot of attention. I try to not let it get to me. :)

[chelseagirl]

I usually do, but I worry when I'm losing my small readership. ;-)

And yes, one of the most popular things I've written recently was literally an apology for not having written the proper fic I'd intended to write . . .

[lunabee34]

*hugs*

It's hard not to get discouraged.

I pretty much only write in Yuletide now, and that's usually such a low feedback fest unless you happen to be writing for one of that year's juggernaut fandoms. I get sad when I remember how much feedback I used to get, but I just can't write like that any more. I don't have the time.

[chelseagirl]

I really hadn't ficced much in years. I tried for a bit with Life on Mars, but when I look at my output, it wasn't much. Most since that has been on AO3 -- I tried with Sleepy Hollow but wow that fandom was contentious, so after two stories I stopped. Then mostly Yuletide and SSR Confidential, 'til recently. I think that's why I'm so obsessed with my old stories -- not only did I really write long, well thought-out stories then, but rereading them sparked something for me which has got me going again, even without any free time.

Anyway, I finally got one kudo and my faithful commenter hasn't commented yet, so I expect I'll at least hear from her in the next week or so. It's the little things.

You were into SGA, yes? That was so huge for so many of my friends. I never got into it, but even by osmosis I knew what was going on in that fandom!

[lunabee34]

It's so funny you should mention SGA. I was huge into SGA; I think I wrote some of my best fanfic for that fandom.

I've been working on a book review of The Fanfiction Reader for TWC and even though it doesn't have any SGA in it, it really made me start hankering for SGA. So I've read a bunch of fic and re-read my own fic, and I really have the desire to write some SGA. I haven't had this sort of longing in a while.

[chelseagirl]

See! That's the experience I've been having with ASJ. Except we were a small fandom to begin with, whereas I seem to remember nearly everyone I knew in fandom loving SGA. (I *shhhh* did not take to Rodney McKay when I watched the first few eps, which put me in the opposite corner from everyone else in the known fannish universe. Except my husband. Oops.)

Sometimes it's a particular thing that just presses the right buttons and inspires. Go with it! Weren't you working on an original project as well?

[lunabee34]

Here's my Rodney McKay trivia: everybody I knew got into SGA about a year I did, and sometimes I would read their fic, and it was hot and good, and sometimes somebody would have an icon of Sheppard, and I'd be all, "He is really hot," but I didn't know what Rodney looked like until I was watching the show, and I was all, "OMG,this guy? This guy? What?!"

But he totally grew on me. I have to admit that fanfic/fandom was a big part of that, too.

[chelseagirl]

That's adorable. ;-) I knew I was really missing the fandom boat with SGA, but I was already missing it not being into (male) slash. Fandom tends to ship more than I do, no matter m/m, f/f or f/m. I end up writing femslash for exchanges when I'd probably write the same characters gen if it weren't to prompt -- but then I end up liking how it came out. I convinced myself of an f/f ship in Halt & Catch Fire, by writing it, and I was totally watching the show's last episode (one of those very satisfying "we have planned this in advance" endings) muttering "I was right!" even though I probably wasn't.

[lunabee34]

*nods nods*

I am into shipping, but I'm an equal opportunity shipper. I read and write all genres although m/m slash edges out het and femslash. I probably wrote more gen than ship fic, though.

[chelseagirl]

I've been in and out of fandom long enough that I remember when gen was the main thing, and then that fandom and slash fandom were practically synonymous. It feels more diverse now. I'm honestly not sure why the appeal of m/m slash eludes me, except that I tend to be very female-character oriented. I just don't see the UST that other fans do. (Except with The Exorcist -- gay priests FTW!)

[lunabee34]

LOL

I had to be trained to see the m/m UST. When I first got into fandom, I thought all the juggernaut slash pairings were bullshit. I still think some of them are bullshit LOL but I enjoy the stories. Like, I see absolutely zero Spike/Xander, Harry/Draco, and Harry/Snape subtext in the canon and no reason why they would ever get into a romantic relationship ever. But I enjoy the pairings nonetheless. I think I started thinking of it as a game that didn't have to make sense; I love it when authors make an effort to explain why an unconventional relationship belongs together, but once I stopped caring about that part so much, shipping made a lot more sense to me.

[chelseagirl]

Uh huh. Like "if you like this pairing that's great but you are not going to convince me it's actually *there*."

[lunabee34]

*nods*

Like, sometimes it's there and I see it (McKay/Sheppard is like that for me or Harry/Ron or Kirk/Spock), but a lot of times not so much. LOL