Freedom, Imposture, and other Fun Stuff

[chelseagirl]

So . . . for the first time in a very, very long time, I am not teaching a class. For the past several summers, I taught Summer I and Summer II, but since we have some limited funding for the Writing Center over the summer, and I have a small stipend for that, I decided not to ask for Summer II.

I do have an academic article that must get out this summer, and I'm working on some training materials and etc. for the Writing Center, and I will be going in to do tutoring on Wednesdays for the rest of the semester but . . . I'm sort of free? A little bit?

Getting a serious case of Impostor Syndrome about writing the next book, but I signed up for Camp NaNo with a cabin from Sisters in Crime, so here's hoping. I've been percolating this one long enough that I think finally pushing myself to get a Shitty First Draft out this month actually does make good sense. (BTW, fascinating interview clip with David Tennant on Impostor Syndrome making the rounds of social media. If HE feels like he's going to be found out someday, that makes me feel a lot better.)

So, I have a to-do list, M is still away -- due to land at close to midnight tonight -- and I need to get myself, well, off the computer so I can go do my list and then come home and do things on the computer.

Comments

[lunabee34]

You're going to rock this book. I have faith in you.

[chelseagirl]

I'm glad you do? [There would be a heart icon here if DW had such things.]

The first novel, honestly, had its origins in fanfic. It's been thoroughly overhauled, and because of the particular story and fandom, it was always 80% original characters anyway. But it's something I had a long time to work on and think about.

Starting from scratch, on the new project -- that's more frightening.

[corvidology]

♥

[chelseagirl]

Ah! Now where can I find that? Do I just do <3 ?

ETA, apparently not . . .

[corvidology]

You type &hearts and then put a semi-colon on the end of it, no space.

[lunabee34]

♥

Testing

ETA: sweet!

[chelseagirl]

♥

Oooh, look!

Thank you!

[lunabee34]

I really do!

[corvidology]

I think imposter syndrome is far more widely felt than any study has suggested so far. I think the better you become at something the more you understand your faults so you're calling yourself on things no one else can see.

[chelseagirl]

Women in academia are known to have it to a serious degree (and that would be me), though one of my male Facebook friends who is newly in grad school as of last year messaged me after I posed the David Tennant thing there. I suspect lots of men, too, although they may cover it up differently.

I like your interpretation of it; I'll keep that in mind!

[lunabee34]

I think you are so right. You'd think after promotion and tenure and increasing respect, I'd feel less like an impostor; instead I feel like more of one.

[corvidology]

It's been my experience at least. I have one friend who's an incredibly talented artist who regularly trashes pieces of work the rest of us would weep to be able to create.

[lunabee34]

I wish I could find a way to stamp that feeling out for good. :(

[sholio]

You can do it! \o/

[chelseagirl]

Awww, thanks!

Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

Imposter syndrome sucks. It tends to divide into two broad types, activity-based and identity-based.

The activity-based kind happens when people don't realize how much they're doing and/or compare themselves to people doing much more. It responds better to logic, such as tracking accomplishments, although emotional exercises can help too.

The identity-based kind comes from poor self-image and/or belonging to a denigrated group. It responds better to emotional exercises for self-compassion and pride, although logic may help too.

If both problems are in play, try both types of solution and see what works for you. In either case, try to avoid people who put you down, because society's tendency to pick on people greatly exacerbates imposter syndrome.